Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
