You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
