The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
