I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
