i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
