that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
