Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
