i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
