You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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