It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
