when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Randomize
