Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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