I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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