Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize