dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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