vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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