well I can't set my house on fire every night
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
