this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
