wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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