I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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