you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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