he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
