I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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