How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
