Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
