What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
