im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
