Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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