No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
