I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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