i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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