so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
