fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
