We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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