Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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