So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
