the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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