you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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