so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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