She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize