he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
