I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
