how can u be prego again
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
