I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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