Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.

Fav 51 9752 1662
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(216): View more from Ohio

fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

Fav 28 13866 2498
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(561): View more from Florida

definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?

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(208): View more from Idaho

so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.

Fav 19 5188 1183
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.

Fav 6 1298 659
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(775): View more from Nevada

I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.

Fav 1 1140 470
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(404): View more from Georgia

I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes

Fav 0 201 23
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