I think i peed on brittanys purse
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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