"it" just moved
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
