I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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