i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize