can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
