I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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