He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
