i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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