That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
even my farts smell like vagina
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
