Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
