I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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