She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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