Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize