3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
