i would punch a child for taco bell
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
