Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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