So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
