sarcasm needs its own font
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
