when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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