he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
