I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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