My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
