Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
