I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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