He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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