im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
