Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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